The Bear Who Cried Disco!
by HeroineCruor
Summary: Sick of his butt monkey status, DB seeks Buddhist Monkey for help. It will change pretty much everything. Starring...Disco Bear! Featuring...Everyone else who isn't Disco Bear! Written by...you're gonna be crapping bricks...someone who isn't Disco Bear! *gasp* (Ok, can I have my paycheck now?) THICK WITH COMEDY!
1. Nobody likes me

**Thank you for clicking this story! So you're interested in how he will unravel his biggest problem? You sir or ma'm, wont be disappointed! *whispers*_Disco Bear, you can put away the Jack Daniels now_*whispers* Yeah, well, Disco Bear isn't my favorite character, but I don't hate him as most fans seem to do, so yeah *Readers stares at me* Anyway, look at my new shirt! It's all nylon! Hahaa...**

**Now on with the story. Reviews can go to he-I mean, they're warmly welcome. Yes, warmly...Just kidding, all reviews are very welcome, in fact, I would love it. You're awesome.**

**Dun-dun-duuuuuuuu-*gets hit by a brick, faints*-uuuunnnnn...**

* * *

It was a new shiny day for Disco Bear, or well...everyday was. DISCO Bear, anyone? Anyway, he woke up, made his bed and went to the cafeteria in town to get his breakfast which consisted of the opposite of fruits and vegetables. Butter, waffles and bacon. Mmm, bacon, seriously, who doesn't like it?

He was thinking about that after he was finished with his meal, he would go to the new hair saloon Mole just opened and get that 80's porn mustache he had always wanted.

So he merrily skipped down the street...disco style. It wasn't a really good idea since every happy tree friend he passed had blood leaking out of their eyes at the sight of it. Disco Bear waved to Nutty, who put a lollipop in his mouth before shooting himself in the head with a candy cane designed gun. As usual, he ignored the puddle of blood from the green squirrel and just continued walking.

This kept on happening on his way. Even when he quit doing the disco walk, he made the opposite of moonwalking instead. But it didn't really help either; he would greet with an ear assaulting "Ohhhh yeaahhh" and they would take out guns and shoot themselves. Let me note that it was a normal day for Disco Bear...normal as cheese pudding.

After having breakfast, he ran out as fast as he could. Soon after Petunia came out and yelled something at him, shaking her fist furiously. From inside, the stove was burning, and since this is the town of unlogical deaths the fire reached her from a forty feet distance, set her and fire and she burned up. Her dead body formed a cute little starfish which Disco Bear took a shot of with his glittering camera.

For your curiousity...ohh, you gonna like this...Disco Bear did nothing, ha! Just his mere existence could set fire on things! *cricket sounds* No, not through pyromania! That is unlogical...*Thinks of the logic of htf and sees your grins* Oh, shut up! Just, shut up!

Dadalidoodoo, Disco Bear went into the hair saloon and greeted Mole, taking a seat and giving the Mole instructions of how he wanted his mustache.

"Yo, funky-o! I would like a mustache...you know, like that red plumber, y'know? That guy's funky, yo!"

"It's aboot time someone respected him, eh." Said Mole and began spraying some rogaine underneath his nose, which was actually...pepper spray! It caused him to achoo through the roof and ruin all the savings Mole did to buy this place, which was merely 50 bucks or something, cause the walls inside had inbred rats.

Mole was angry nonetheless, so he literally kicked his ass out, before getting crushed by the roof above.

Later, DB spotted Cuddles, Toothy, Handy, Flippy and Mime (through his hand signs) having a conversation about random stuff.

"Whuzzah!" Said Toothy with a derpy face.

"Whuzzaaaaah!" Cuddles replied with a derpier face.

"Whuzzah!" Flippy argued, having his normal face.

"..." Handy glared for he was always pissed off about his hands and could never get his ass over it.

Mime didn't know how to say that with hand signals, so he just made the "Frizzle" hand signal.

"I don't get it, why are we talking about Chinese dragons?" Cuddles suddenly asked.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk about unicorns." Flippy whined.

Then Disco Bear came in to be the annoying butt seal as usual.

"Whuzzah!" He said, trying to fit in.

"Shut up, Disco Bear." Toothy glared at him.

"Yeah, shut up or speak like a normal person." Flippy chewed him out.

He hang his head low, walking away depressed.

They reverted back to their conversation.

"Hrmm...whuzzah!" Cuddles yelled out in glee, hugging himself.

"What the f(bleep)ck did you just call me b(bleep)tch?" Handy threatened with, recieving a nervous smile before the handicapped badass pummeled the rabbit down with his feet.

* * *

Disco Bear had a very depressing life. No matter what he did, stuff went wrong, and most of it wasn't even his fault. And when he tried to be nice, people would just kill themselves or yell at him before he could reach a proper actual discussion. So one day, he got sick of his butt monkey status (wait everyone has it...hmm...okay, he has the Super Ultra Butt Monkey status, happy now?), so he decided to seek help from none other than Buddhist Monkey for advice. He reached his house with wasn't a library in this fanfic, but a dojo.

"Master Buddhist Monkey? Are you home?" He asked out loud, before getting attacked by some monkey from behind. Freaked out of his mind, he screamed like a little girl. BM held up his knife high up in the air about ready to stab him. Then...

"Congratulations. You're the 69th person to come to this dojo ever! Have this knife." He handed DB the knife with a kind smile.

"Uhmm...ok, cool." He shrugged and took it, because free crap was cool. "But why 69?"

"Because...pfft...69." BM sniggered.

Later, at BM's throne, which was a pile of books (Hey, J.K ROWLING books, so it counts!), DB explained his problems.

"I seem very unliked in this town. I mean, I don't do anything! I just live about my life and try to make friends!" He whined, disregarding BM's blank look shot at him, sitting in a meditation position.

"Really?" He asked cynically, "There isn't _anything_ you do to annoy them?" At that, DB mused for a second, thinking back a few days.

"Well...maybe I have done things that maybe annoyed them a little..." He thought absently as the screen became blurry, but was stopped in motion at BM's protests.

"Stop! No flashbacks! I already have butt cramps from the last time I had to sit and listen!"

"Aww, come on. It will be as short as those Family Guy cutaways. Besides, I have hemorrhoid cream with me." Disco Bear begged.

"Really? Why?" BM asked.

Disco Bear stared sideways, then back at the monkey. "My face cheeks are sore?"

"Works for me," BM said and Disco Bear sat down to tell his story, which were only small Flashbacks to various annoying things he had done in the past.

**Flashback #1**

DB eavesdropped on Cuddles, Nutty, Handy, Mime and Flippy from behind a tree.

"You know what guys?" Nutty said and sucked on a lollipop, "I hate those chocolate bars that have sticky creamy thingies that get stuck on your gums!"

"You've told us that ten times already!" Handy scowled, "You're pathetic. Come up with something new!"

"Yeah, come up with something newer than the war!" Flippy randomly threw out.

"Yeah, something newer than Giggles being a whore." Cuddles also threw out of the blue.

**Cutaway**

Cuddles came home from work, exhausted and eager to meet his wife, so he rushed into the bedroom to see her, only to stare on in shock. She was in bed with someone else, and she didn't even bother to hide it!

"Giggles...how could you do this to me?" He sobbed.

"So what? It isn't the first time." She countered in a deadpan voice, filing her nails.

"Giggity giggity goo!" Said her bed mate.

**End Cutaway**

"Then she said that 'Giggity' was a cute pet name for her and he said 'Sure, let's go with that', and I'm pretty sure that was a blatant lie. Wasn't that funny, guys? Guys?" Cuddles looked around at all the blank stares given to him.

"...Nutty, tell me more about your candy stories." Handy said boredly, turned to Nutty.

"Or the war!" Flippy commented.

Just then, Giggles ran in, and Cuddles made a disgusted motion of his index finger in his mouth.

"Hello, guys. What's up?" She asked gleefully.

"Your ass." Cuddles quipped and the others snickered like Beavis and Butthead.

She put her hands on her hips and gave the person with the quip an offended glare. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, harlot," He responded, "I would rather call you a slut, but I remembered you have to have at least two brain cells to qualify as one. Burn!" He quipped and made a high five hand towards Handy, who just glared hard in response.

He noticed and chuckled nervously.

"You know what?" Handy sighed in annoyance, "I'm gonna go do some useful things with the limbs I actually have." He walked away but bumped into Disco Bear on his way who gave one of his traditional, sh(bleep)t-eating smiles.

"Like shagging Petunia?" No one thought it was funny, meaning, no one laughed. Ok, maybe Mime snorted as a laugh, but was elbowed by Nutty shortly after.

"Ugh!" Handy had his small cute stumps pointed upwards as he walked away from the group quickly.

Disco Bear then walked up to Flippy in a slow, disco stylish way. They just stood there and stared at each other, and weirdly, Flippy didn't glare, seeing as he was a nice guy, but he stared with no expression nonetheless. They stood there for a few minutes before Disco Bear said something.

"So...tch..." He tried to sound cool, "You've turned Flaky into a woman yet?"

"WHAT!"

**End Flashback #1**

"Ok, ok, that one wasn't about me...that much...but this one will be! And the next! And next!" Disco Bear told a bored Buddhist Monkey, who yawned and had his hand on his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, quick. I'm getting sore."

**Flashback #2**

The same gang hung out, but with Sniffles instead of Nutty, and as the author doesn't like him, she will have him short-lived.

"Hey, guys, do you have chloroform?" He said before a random huge chloroform handkerchief fell on top of him and squeezed him to death. Muhahaha that's the power of my author abilities!

"Aww, man, why do you guys always have to remind me of the war." Flippy whined like a preteen before turning hostile as he flipped out, taking out a knife and slit the throats of Cuddles and Handy. After that, he turned around with a sinister look towards Mime. He gulped.

"Well, sh(bleep)t." He cursed uncharacteristically, staring wide-eyed at the normally nice bear. But before he had the chance to get killed and then revived somewhere nearby, Disco Bear appeared on the scene.

"PIG POWER IN THE...HOOOUUUSEEE!" A disco ball randomly appeared, hit Flippy in the head, and the thread then did a swing around him and the tree nearby, tying him up. Then it squeezed him to death.

Disco Bear faced a gaping Mime confidently, walking up to him.

"No need to thank me, let me just sign my autograph on your right buttcheek and we're even."

Mime angrily made a chain of hand signals saying that 'He would have rather been killed by Flippy or been his bitch for the rest of his life than saved by him', slapped him, and walked away with anger, flipping the bird as he did.

Disco Bear touched were Mime had slapped him. "I bet that means 'Thank you' in Texas."

**Flashback #3**

Flippy was really freaking nervous, that's what he was. He and Flaky were having a picnic on the grass and the sun was about to set. He watched her as she watched the orange shades of the sunset, smiling beatifully and made his knees grow weak. He loved her so much. He hoped she would be feeling the same.

"Flippy, look, that's so beautiful." She sighed, crouching closer to him and snuggling. He blushed harder.

"Y-yes," he sounded high-pitched, "It is." He had the small box ready, he looked down on it, and breathed deeply. 'Come on, you can do this', was his motivation mantra to himself.

"Flaky, I was meaning to tell you something..." She turned to him with her cute ruby eyes, "Sure, what is it?" She asked curiously.

He shakily took her hands. "Flaky...I...I love you..." He hesitantly said, witnessed her going redder than her fur.

She smiled shyly. "Flippy...I, love you too..." She shook, looking into his green eyes.

He released one hand and said, "That's why I wanted to ask you this," he fished up his small box, and held it out to her, earning a surprised but joyful gasp.

"Flaky, will you m-"

At that moment, the sun set, and Disco Bear randomly appeared, falling from the sky. A disco ball appeared and shone up the place.

_"Don't blame it on the sunshine_

_Don't blame it on the moonlight_

_Don't blame it on the good times_

_Blame it on the boogie!"_

Disco bear moonwalked aroung their picnic rug as Flaky sighed heavily, but Flippy got so mad he flipped out.

"Aghh! You ruined everything! I planned this for months, and I rehearsed the damn thing 46 times!" The now evil Flippy chased after the Disco Bear, but alas, he couldn't catch him, his fast boogie movements barely avoiding just as evil Flippy thrust his knife towards him. Then he gave up with a frustrated growl.

"You know what, f(bleep)ck it. We'll go somewhere else. Come Flaky." Flippy turned back to normal, took Flaky's hand and sulkily walked away with her following behind.

"So much for thanking your wingman!" DB shouted after them.

"Yeah!" Said a living chicken wing that walked in and stood next to DB, "You better be sorry!"

DB stared at him in confusion.

"Who are you?"

"The wingman."

"You're the worst wingman I've ever seen."

The chicken wing then kicked him in the nuts and walked off-screen.

"Augh! Dude, not funky! Right in the disco balls!" He shouted and grabbed his crotch in pain as he doubled over.

**Flashback #4**

Disco Bear took a stroll through the park and walked upon Pop and Cub playing by the swings. But just as he approached, Pop noticed him, stopped the swing and covered Cub's eyes.

"Aww, come on!" DB griped, "I can be pretty great with kids!"

"I believe it when I see it." Pop accused, not removing his hands from Cub's eyes.

DB got an idea, "Okay then. Let me give him a new toy to play with!" He took out something from his pocket and was about to give it to Cub when Pop slapped his hand away.

"Idiot! You can't give him a freaking condom!" Pop yelled at him.

"Why not? It's not like he knows what it is. Besides, it's fun to play with in the water holes." Everything DB said made sense, and hence Pop couldn't argue with that it sounded reasonable.

"Hmm, good point." Pop agreed.

"Daddy, look! I think I can fit my doodies in this thing!" Cub exclaimed, Pop not turning to his son but instead gave a nervous DB an angry stare.

"...get out or I'll call security." Pop threatened and pointed to the exit, in which DB sadly walked to.

When he was out of sight, Pop looked frantically around, before bending down and whispered to Cub,

"Son, can I...borrow your toy sometime?"

"Beg harder." Cub demanded.

**Flashback #4 end**

"Not to mention my luck with ladies", DB complained, Buddhist Monkey watching a moth fly, since it was more interesting than DB's sob stories.

**Flashback #5**

Disco Bear dances disco style into the gym, where he sees Giggles and Petunia gossiping with each other. He walks up to them.

"Hello, ladies", he greeted and clicked with his tongue and pointed at them.

"I swear, if you come any closer, pedo bear, I will call the police and tell them you touched us inappropriately." Giggles threatened, aberrant. He slowly backed off.

"Aww, what gives?" He whined before noticing a familiar, cute porcupine by the weights. He smiles confidently and walks up to her.

"Hey, baby. You best be rid of most of your quills, cause you'll spike me with your beauty if you don't." He flirted.

"Eep! A pedophile!" She yelled and sprayed pepper spray in his eyes, before running up to Flippy and shyly hid behind him, who just sighed, rolling his eyes. DB wasn't affected. He had become immune.

"That was the worst pick-up line I've ever heard." Flippy commented in a deadpan voice.

Then nothing. It surprised DB.

"Aren't you going to bop me for flirting with your lady?" He asked, scratching his ear.

"Hmm...nah. Not just bop you. Ever heard of tranquil fury?" Flippy grinned creepily.

"Tranquil wh-" The war veteran then delivered a kick to his stomach, landing into the wall. Running up to the butt monkey, Flippy grabbed his hair and slammed his head repeatedly into the wall, then dragged him backwards, threw him onto the ground, pummeled his already beaten body with kicks to a pulp, took Petunia's bowl with yoghurt she had and dumped it on his head. Flippy then walked over his beaten up body, stepping on his face, and reached a hand out to a shocked Flaky.

"Shall we go?" He asked in a very warm-hearted manner. The porcupine stared at him wide-eyed, before screaming and running through the wall making a cartoony shape on the wall of her escape.

Flippy shrugged. "Meh, okay, I'll score later then." He walked out of the gym casually.

Meanwhile, DB was laying muttering to himself.

"I think it's about time that I buy that noose."

**Flashback #5 end**

"Then there was that time everyone turned into zombies and I did the thriller dance with them...then they ate me." DB told Buddhist Monkey, whose expression changed to sheer terror at that.

"Oh, Lord, no! How could you do that?! You monster! You _don't _play Michael Jackson with anyone! Are you insane?!" BM exclaimed.

"Umm, no. Anyway, do you have any advices on how people will stop being disapproving of me?" DB asked.

Buddhist Monkey had known the answer half an hour ago, so there hadn't been a need for DB to tell those stories, but you know...Rule of Funny, guys? Heheh...ha...*quiets down* Well, that's it for my narration. *Jumping into a worm hole*

"Maybe people dislike you because you're an ass?" BM said in a snarky manner.

"That will _not _work as a plot device! Come up with something better!"

"Fine. Maybe people dislike you because you're an Elvis-obsessed discotard?" He changed his speculation.

"Much better." DB concluded.

"Well, is that all? Isn't there anything else that made you this person to everyone?" BM asked boredly. Sometimes he hated his job. IQ were dropped each week that passed from everyone.

"Yeah, well, I think my mom could have influenced me." DB told him, thinking back at his childhood.

"Did she give you any advice at all?"

"Well, there was one..." He trailed off as the screen became blurry again.

"What did I get myself into...?" BM said with regret, ready for more butt cramps from another flashback sob story.

**Childhood Flashback**

DB and his mom were sitting in the kitchen, Mom was having quality time with him while baking.

"Son, if anyone is ever disapproving of you, imitate Elvis Presley. Everybody loves Elvis Presley." She speculated.

"But, mom, Elvis is different from me..." Which was true, he was wearing normal kid clothes with nerdy glasses, and he was very shy, timid and adorkable.

"What did I tell you about talking about Elvis Presley in this house?" She yelled at him angrily.

"B-but you just said..." He nearly sobbed.

"No buts! You're grounded, young man! Rude child, if you talk about Elvis again, then three hours dungeon!"

He cried as he ran up the stairs, away from his mother.

"AND DON'T YOU DARE PLAY ELVIS PRESLEY MUSIC UP THERE!" She went back to baking and muttered cynically to herself. "Kids these days, always talking about Elvis Presley." With those words, she finished her Elvis Presley cupcakes for her Elvis Presley shrine.

**Childhood Flashback End**

"Never mind", DB said and the screen turned to normal from it's previous blurriness. He hadn't told his story. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I bet it's something stupid like her being an Elvistard." BM said, guessing wildly.

"Heheh...yeah..." DB chuckled nervously.

"Well, here's my conclusion," BM closed in on him and grabbed his collar strictly. "Stop being an ass. Now go, I have more clients. Move along!" He waved away the bear, who did as he was told. On his way out, he found Splendid and Splendont, looking angrily away from each other.

"Uhmm..." DB said, looking at them suspiciously, "What's your-"

"Rival counseling. Now shut up." They said in unison, hissing.

"Okay, okay, sheesh." The bear went away from the pair, mumbling to himself. "Why is everyone so offensive around here?"

After he left, the two hero flying squirrels began to claw at each other horribly violently; Splendid bit Splendont's leg whereas Splendont bit his tail. And they went on and on and...

"Next." BM said monotonously, opening the door. The two squirrels sat there as if nothing had happened, almost looking as pouncey as those Englishmen.

BM stared in surprise at them for a moment, a little bit horrified at the implications.

"I noticed your clothes are in disarray...are you-"

"YOU NEED AN OPTICIAN! NO!"

_**Will Disco Bear ever be accepted? Will Buddhist Monkey keep his job for a while longer without going bonkers? Will Splendid and Splendont get along? Will Giggles stop being prostitute? Will Flippy and Flaky ever get together? And for the love of heroism...will we ever find out DB's real name?**_

_**...**_

_**You don't care, do you? Shame!**_

_**Find out on the next episode of "The Bear Who Cried Disco!"**_

_**DB: Rawrr!**_

_**Me: *Points to exit* Get out.**_

_**DB: Aww, even the author hates me.**_

_**Me: What? No, I don't.**_

_**DB: Really? *glistening eyes***_

_**Me: Yes, but don't let it get to your *gets glomped* Ahh, dammit, now I need to take a second shower in one day!**_

**SONGS SUNG**

**Tag Team - Pig Power In The House (The song is so bad that you WILL love it. Look it up).**

**Michael Jackson - Blame It On The Boogie (In honor of Michael Jackson who's been dead for 5 years soon).**

_**That's all, folks!**_


	2. What time is it! Delivery time!

**...I don't have much to say, other than it's not normal of me to not say something random in the starters note. Just enjoy. I had much lesser sex jokes in this chapter to try different directions of humor. There is humor-hungry readers everywhere to feed! XD**

**If you just read, I would be most thankful. If you don't...well...*reaches for gun* Just kidding. I have a life outside the internet, y'know.**

* * *

Flippy was focused on his part-time job of shipping boxes to various places. As he was about to put down a box among many others, he saw someone behind one. It surprised him greatly, but then he sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.

Disco Bear.

"Please?" DB asked with hope.

"No, Disco Bear." He said and put the box down on his face, making DB fall backwards out cold.

Later, Flippy was planting flowers in his garden. He hummed, dug a hole and was about to plant an orchid when DB's head popped right out of it, startling Flippy who shrieked like a girl.

"You're the best person I know and, wow, you have beautiful roses." He complimented, looking around his flowerbed.

"Did you want something?" Flippy loured at the other bear.

"No! I didn't want something! I just came to check out your funky flowers since they're so wicked, they resemble you to the dot. But hey, it would be rad if you'd let me-" Flippy shoved the plant down on his head making him buried underground, then walked away. DB got his arm out and did the 'thumbs up.

"You rock too!" He said in a muffled voice.

Later, Flippy was having lunch at the cafeteria. He was about to sit down with his trey when he noticed DB sitting there too. He winced, expressing annoyance over being followed around.

"YOU!" He shouted with a pointing finger.

"What? I just conveniently sat here", DB said an pretended to read the newspaper. Flippy grunted and went away to sit somewhere else. As he was about to set down his tray as far from the last table as possible, he shouted even louder this time. DB sat here too!

"YOU!" Flippy pointed angrily at him.

"What? I just conveniently drank coffee here", DB said and pretended to take a sip of coffee when there was nothing in his cup.

Flippy walked away with an insane twitch in his eye. "Whatever. I'll just go to the bathroom, he can't follow me in there!" Flippy laughed maniacally recieving creeped out stares from passerbys as he entered the gentlemen's room. "Muhahahahaa...hack!" He coughed, before chuckling evilly again.

He walked into the bathroom, but to his dismay, DB was there peeing by a urinal. For the love of...who invented the freaking urinals?!

"YOU!" Flippy roared for the third time.

The bear in question looked over at him and grinned.

"What? I'm just conveniently taking a leak here", DB tried to convince him.

The silence afterwards was unbearable, and DB couldn't leave him alone, so Flippy decided to compromise:

"...YOU!" Flippy shouted even louder this time, going berserk.

DB raised an eyebrow, zipping up his pants since he was finished. "Uhmm, yeah it's me. Yay. Listen, can I please-"

"YOU!" The war bear interrupted.

"Dude, I was asking if I could-"

"YOU!"

"SHUT UP!" DB bawled in irritation. Then he went forward to Flippy and slapped him in the face.

"YO-ah." Flippy angled his head with his hands, "Hey, thanks."

"No problem." DB said. "Now, can we discuss-"

"NO, WE CANNOT!" Flippy interrupted, knowing what he would ask. And with that, he dove to the door, but just as he was about to take a step, there was a prevented force. It was DB hugging his leg in desperation.

"PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME! LEET MEEEE!" DB cried, making his tears flow freely. "I REALLY NEED IT! I REALLY WANT TO!" He begged, pleaded, cried anything in his might to make Flippy change his mind, though unfortunately for him, the bear in question was not in the mood today.

"For the last time, NO!" Flippy successfully shook him off, "I'm NOT letting you come along on my export travel to Scandinavia via jeep trip! Now beat it!" He said and stormed out.

DB feeling slightly humiliated by the rejection, slowly stood up in pure badassery and spoke in a low voice.

"I guess we have to do this the hard way then." He assertively stomped out of the room out to the cafeteria where he slammed the door into the wall, completely oblivious that he just mashed someone behind it, who was no other than Petunia. Her eyeballs fell out of their sockets and rolled down the floor from the bloody mess of her corpse.

Flippy was by the counter and was going to pay. DB took a deep breath, attempted to manage his most serious expression, spit in his hands, rubbed them and rolled up his sleeves. He then held out his hands theateningly with his fingers curled.

Let's pretend you see from DB's perspective, hands held out ready to grab his target, while walking slowly with the bouncing camera in time with his steps. Creepy, right? It will get creepier.

When Disco Bear was close to Flippy, who had still not noticed to other, he looked purely evil just as he was about to strike...wait for it...wait for it...

...then he suddenly hugged Flippy from behind in a very nice manner, rainbows and sunshine in the background.

...

...readers, I'm awaiting your screams. Why aren't you screaming?

Flippy did though, very startled at the sudden gesture and his following action was to try to pry free.

"What are you doing?! Get off! I don't want anyone getting ideas!" Flippy begged to DB who held him very closely.

"Then let them. You've had too few hugs in your life, you need it." He continued snuggling into the other bear while Flippy was still being very resistant.

After a while, gaping mouths started to form from the crowd gathering around them in the cafeteria.

"Uhmm...Disco Bear?" Flippy asked the other who still hadn't let go of him.

"Yes?" He asked with half a deaf ear.

"Not only do I not want you hugging me, but neither wants the others around us. They've started to take pictures."

"So what. It's their problem."

Silence.

"Now I hear people screaming."

"Again: Their problem."

Silence again.

"They're screaming at you to get off me or else they will rip out your intestines and strangle you with them."

"Ok, ok, I'll let go now." DB said and did just that. "Can we change the subject?"

"NO, NO! Go back to the previous!" Flippy shrieked in terror, staring with dinner-plate sized eyes at him, knowing what he wanted to talk about. He backed off to avoid confrontation best he could.

"NO, the next! PLEASE, LET ME COME ALONG! I'LL DO ANYTHING! ANYTHING!" He cried in desperation, bowing for Flippy and kissing his feet.

"ARGHHHH!" Flippy said and finally snapped, "OKAY! OKAY! Stop giving me a headache already! Just on one condition though." He warned.

"What? What condition? Come at me bro!" DB tempted smugly.

"Wear a tutu and sing Dancing Queen." Flippy said, hoping it would change DB's mind. To his chagrin, DB shrugged casually.

"Okay. I'll do it." He agreed.

"Okayyy...you also have to lick peanut butter off hobos feet."

"I'll totally do it."

"How about swimming among sharks?"

"I can dig that."

"Say the N-word?"

DB glanced around before saying it. "Nigger." Everyone still gasped, including the author.

"Do a humiliation conga in underwear?"

"Why not."

"...Die?"

"Sure."

"Arghh! How can you agree on this? Have you been listening?" Flippy yelled out in frustration.

"Yeah. You said that I should wear a tutu and sing an ABBA song, lick off poor people's feet, swim among sharks, say a racist word, humiliate myself in public and bring to pass my demise." DB counted with his fingers.

"...touché, DB, touché." Flippy was genuinely impressed. "Although, I was joking, I just wanted to test you, but you have proven yourself capable. Left to see is you in action. Can you handle that?" He asked, scrutinizing the other bear from head to toe, completely unaware of Toothy walking by and slipping on the dishes Petunia dropped from dying and thus being severed by the pieces in a morbid mess.

"Duh! 'Course. I was a disco king in the 70's."

"...No, you weren't."

"...I could be." With that, they walked out with a start on a blossoming long friendship...or maybe a 50 feet tall carnivore plant, I don't remember.

**Meanwhile at Buddhist Monkey's dojo...  
**

"So let me get this straight," BM said and flickered his sight between the two flying squirrels who refused to share a glance.

"You Splendid, is mad at Splendont for taking the last cookie? Seriously?" He said in annoyance, again wondering why he had this pointless job...

"It was a CHOCOLATE CHIP cookie! With extra chocolate!" Splendid blared, watching over his nemesis in a hostile manner. "And the fatty already had half of the cookie jar!"

"I told you it was a bunch of 6 feet tall mutant-vultures with snake tongues who stole them! Why wont anyone believe me?" Splendont exclaimed in agitation.

"Alright, alright, just calm down and we will settle this down like civilized gentlemen!" BM held up his hands for emphasis, then turned to Splendid in irritation, "But seriously, that reason isn't legitimate."

"Did I mention that he dips his cookies in licorice cream?" Splendid said with disgust.

"...Okay, that's just cruel." BM turned to Splendont strictly, "You will have detention after class, young man!"

"Aww, man. I was hoping to join the cool guys on the mopeds after class."

Splendid laughed menacingly at his rival, which was when BM also turned to him.

"Now, Splendid, you're not off the hook either. I've seen the notes you passed during class."

'Oh crap', Splendid thought and twitched his eye.

**Back to Disco Bear and Flippy...**

"So where are we going exactly in this Scandinavian country?" DB finally asked after making thousands of pointless pop-culture references that I'm not writing off since I don't strive for that sort of humor in abundance. Flippy has just walked out of his home with a giant hike bag on his back. He took the bag and threw it into his jeep, along with a few rifle grenades, M2 flamethrowers, L2A1 ARs, M3 Grease guns, Colt Commanders, Smith & Wesson Model 15s and M1917 revolvers. Oh, and also a Colt Model 1903 Pocket Hammerless, which he placed with care and love in the backseat.

(A/N: These are actual weapons they used in the Vietnam War. Look it up.)

"First; Scandinavia is not a country, but a continent full of close-minded people. Second, we are going to deliver some material to some guy."

"So, we're delivering weapons." He semi-asked.

"Yep."

"Legally."

"...yep." Flippy said after a few seconds, musing all the while.

"...did we get permission forms?" DB asked, "Because I could totally go for permission forms before we hit off." He said with a hint of nervousness.

"...I already took care of it," Flippy lied, "Besides, shut up."

They took their seats in the jeep, Flippy justifying the rear mirror. Then he remembered he had to check the side mirrors too and reached out. DB took this as his opportunity to turn on the radio after turning it to max volume, which scared the daylights out of the war bear.

_"LET'S GO CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY TIL WE SEE THE SUN!"_

He switched channel.

_"COME LET'S MIX WHERE ROCKEFELLERS WALK WITH STICKS OR UM-BE-RELLAS IN THEIR MITTS! PUTTIN' ON THE RITS!"_

He switched the channel again, Flippy's ears bleeding while desperately trying to scream over the music for DB to turn it off. But since he was a discotard he was used to loud music and dismissed anyone else's taste and habit with music, in this case Flippy's.

_"IT'S OUR BODY WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT TO-" _At that, Flippy flipped out, grabbed the nearest weapon and shoot the radio to bits. The weapon was a bazooka, so it did massive damage, nearly destroying a quarter of his jeep.

Flippy turned back to normal. DB's face was all black by soot, remaining still in shock. Then he glared at Flippy.

"If you don't like music you could have just said so." At that, Flippy tried his hardest not to flip out again and strangle him. He succeeded. Booting up the car, and pulling out the driveway, they were on their way. "Though I have to agree, I was about to break the radio too when I heard Miley Cyrus come on."

"Seconded." Flippy said, although he did destroy the radio already. Flippy now magically had bandages on his head to emphasize his amusing injuries, because cartoon logic.

There was an awkward silence as Flippy gently moved the steering wheel, looking on the driveway. Several times, DB felt like saying something, but in the end nothing came out. What could he ask him that wouldn't provoke him in any way? He was a walking trauma. But then he finally grew a bone and asked him reluctantly,

"Why do you always wear military clothing if you want to forget?"

"Because MAGIC. That's why." The asked answered bluntly.

"Hmmm..." To his surprise, a question popped up in his mind directly after that, weirder that it wasn't associated with the previous at all.

"Uhmm...who is the guy we are going to deliver to?" He asked again, trying to kick off a conversation.

"Some guy."

"Some guy?"

"...I can't pronounce his name, alright?" Flippy sighed, feeling embarrassed. He freed one hand to hand DB the address, on which his name was written on. DB curiously took it and read the name, only to wrinkle his face in confusion.

"What the hell's an 'ö'?"

"Beats me."

The name on the paper read: _Torvald von Bövelen._

"Let's just call him Beevel, alright?" Flippy said monotonously, turning the jeep in the next curve.

"How about we call him 'Booger McBoogie' instead?" DB suggested enthustiastically, earning a growl.

"No, please, that name is ridiculous!" Flippy protested.

"How about 'Rumble Bumble'?"

"NO!"

"'First-Class Claus'?"

"NO!"

"'Peeing Pete'?"

"What the...NO!"

"'Condom Wrecker'?"

"...what was that last one?"

"Nothing!" DB called out, looking embarrassed as he scratched the side of his arm. Flippy ignored him, and focused onward.

(A/N: I'm Swedish myself, so I'm perfectly aware how you pronounce 'Bövelen' XD, just thought it would be funny seeing how English speaking people would react.)

"Say, DB," Flippy asked, making his own attempt at conversation since there was nothing better to do, "Why did you want to come along so badly?" He glanced sideways to him in a split second before looking forward again.

"That's my new secret agenda..." Flippy raised an eyebrow at him, "But I suppose I can say that it was something ordered from Buddhist Monkey."

"...why would you listen to him?"

"Like I told you, it's a secret agenda of mine."

**Flashback**

DB visited BM for his weekly session at BM's dojo. He sat down on a cushion on the floor, but then a black cat ran up to him and suddenly attacked. DB screamed as he tried to pry off the devil's helper which had left several deep scratches all over him. Finally, he got the paws off his face, some skin ripped along with it. Then he furiously kicked the cat out the window, cursing under his breath. Even the non-speaking animals hated him!

"Disco Bear, is that you?" Startled at BM's voice from another room, DB quickly ran to his cushion, stumbled and fell face down on the floor, crouched to it and lay down.

At that moment, BM came in. He was about to say something, but the scene interrupted him with it's weirdness of DB all scratched and exhausted.

"What...what happened here?" Then quickly added before he had the chance to answer, "Never mind. Anyway, I have a quest for you, Disco Bear."

"Oh?" He built composure again, "What's the haps?"

"I gathered some personal documents of the people working in this town. I found out some enthralling secrets about them..."

"How?"

"I hacked their MySpace accounts."

"...smart." DB complimented.

"I know. Anyway, I was doing it to see how you could change yourself and make you more appealing to them. Most of them were boring people, but one of them had a scheduled appointment that could give you a chance to bond with him on his way there. He's an ex-sergeant in the W.A.R."

"...dude, do you mean that Flippy fellow? I don't know...He's pretty scary..."

"How are you going to overcome your loneliness if you chicken out? Moron..." BM muttered, taking his seat on his book throne.

"It's not just that. He hates me." The bear said in a despondent voice, hanging his head low.

"How are you so certain?"

"Well, when I told him and Pop that we're the only bears in town, they shot themselves with guns. Even Pop's son did that."

"...is that all?"

"No, he also didn't share his ice-cream with me he held that time."

"...okay, you win. He hates you." BM went along. "So that means you have to try. Don't give up DB. There's still hope for you. When all hope's out is when you begin eating cherry ice-cream in underwear and watch 'The Notebook'."

"Oh my Goodness! I was THINKING of doing just that the other day!" DB shouted in horror, covering his face.

"So that's mean you have to hurry! Here's the address", BM threw down a paper to his patient who took it with no effort. "Now, skeddadle!"

Disco Bear nodded in a serious manner before making his way out. But just as he opened the door, he looked behind him one last time.

"You've been a great help, Buddhist Monkey Master."

"Yeah, yeah, cut the sap." Was the response, BM beginning to read a book called 'Bear Psychology'.

"No, I mean it! I..."

"I SAID CUT IT!" The monkey yelled and threw full force the book he held at Disco Bear, who covered himself with his hands above his head and ran out in hurry.

Outside, DB met Giggles who were sitting in the waiting lounge. He watched her questioningly, and he recieved an angry expression back at him.

"You're not the only one who has problems in this town, you know."

"I'm sorry, what?" DB said tauntingly, "I couldn't hear you over your trollop voice." He smiled evilly as he walked out, finally having his revenge. He ignored the screaming behind him as he left the dojo. And somewhere in the distance, he could hear Buddhist Monkey scream at her to lay off the pills or something.

**Flashback End**

"...I didn't just tell you that flashback, did I?" Disco Bear asked Flippy, who was lost in thought, so he flinched at the sudden sound of his voice.

"No, you did not." Flippy reasserted.

"Phew."

Later, they reached a gas station to fill up his tank. Flippy stepped out of his jeep and assured DB he would be back soon, walking around to get some gas. As he walked he had absent thoughts that maybe DB wasn't _that _bad when he tried, it's just he had a hard time to be a normal social person. So maybe, just maybe maybe, he would give him a chance. ONE.

The thought was ended when he reached the gas outtakes, but every one he found there read "OUT OF ORDER", causing him to whisper curses.

"Ah, damn it! It's out of order!" Flippy kicked the door in anger and began to walk away.

"Hey, you! You got insurance for that?" A random voice seemed to call out to him. Flippy turned to see who it was...it was Cro-Marmot who had gained talking ability for some reason, and he stood on the roof.

"Insurance? Insurance for what?" Flippy asked, confused.

"Damages, of course! No one comes off scot-free!"

"DAMAGES?! I didn't even put a scratch on your stupid...thing!" He remonstrated, flailing his arms before crossing them over his chest.

"Not seen from the naked eye, maybe. But you did kick it and that give off a minor damage at least!" Flippy now got so mad he flipped out, ripping out the gas outtake and shot a huge load towards the caveman popsicle.

"First: I WONT PAY A BUCK FOR ANY DAMAGES! Second: I DIDN'T DO ANY DAMAGES! Third: YOU'RE A DAMAGE! And fourth," Flippy found matches in his pocket, lit them and set the gas on fire. The gas reached Cro-Marmot and his ice cube melted, melting along with it in a bloody mess.

"F(BLEEP)CK YOU, DAMAGE MOTHERCLUCKER!" The war bear then saw a penny on the sidewalk, in which made him immediately return to normal. "Oh, look, a penny! I can buy some bubblegum with that!" He giggled innocently and skipped merrily back to the jeep like a ballet dancer.

DB had witnessed everything...and his mouth was wide agape in shock, in trance for not comprehending what had just happened.

"Okay, what the Hellen of Troy just happened?" He said after a while. It soon dawned to him that Flippy was maybe more sick in the head than he first thought...or maybe he had had too much of the sun for one day.

Flippy danced over to the jeep and DB couldn't wait to ask what was on his mind and walked out still completely out of it,

"What are you so happy about?!"

"I found a penny! That lights up my day like no other!" He answered in an angel-like voice, making the imagination sign with his hands. DB went forward and slapped him for the second time that day. The mood-swinging then kicked in and he was suddenly dead serious.

"No but seriously, gas machine was out of order and we wont be able to leave any time soon."

"Aww, bummer! I was hoping to bring some disco party- I mean, deliver to the Peeing Pete guy!" He whined.

"Beevel!" Flippy corrected irritably.

"Whatever." Flippy then thought of what to do next, and then he got a brilliant idea!

"Maybe we aren't out in the cold after all...do you remember the spare super fuel we brought with us in case?"

"Uhmm..." DB twiddled his fingers highly-strung, fake grinning, "Yeah?"

"Well, we could use that! With it, we can arrive in Scandinavia in no time, deliver in due time, have no delay fine, labeled heroes of Happy Tree Town and everyone will be content!" Flippy clarified, already seeing being fed with grapes for some reason...it wasn't like a simple delivery was going to give him a life of luxury, just don't tell him that...

"About that..." DB trailed off.

"What?" Flippy began to worry, pressing on.

"I...I used that fuel for my self-driven Super Duper Boogie Dance Revolution Breakthrough Hit Boots 3000...they need fuel. Machinery, you know." The camera then pans down on Disco Bear's feet which was now wearing white leather shoes with several different diamonds in different colors, Flippy looking on, not knowing if he should be angered or surprised.

"Do the bomb, babies!" He said and made the split. The boots then proceeded to run on their own accord which panicked DB. "Wha-wait, not that way! To the left! DANCE STEPS TO THE LEFT!" The boots shone but they scooted to the side and soon they were running 40 miles per hour.

Flippy facepalmed, cross with having to travel with such an idiot, meanwhile hearing his screams that the boots should stop.

_**Who is going to help Disco Bear and Flippy out of their pinch? How is Buddhist Monkey going to handle Giggles as his patient? DID Splendid and Splendont get along? Will you see NEXT chapter instead if people will accept DB, and Flippy and Flaky finally hit it off? *Insert info that you probably will find out much later on*? MAYBE, find it out on the next episode of 'The Bear Who Cried Disco'! Ladies and gentlemen! Girls and boys! Old women and old dudes! Sows and boars!**_

_**Flippy: They get it. Shut up.**_

_**DB: Whaz in ze houz, homiez!**_

_**Flippy: ...say, why do I have to work with this idiot?**_

_**Me: For merchandising!**_

_**Flippy: ...You don't take money for your writing.**_

_**Me: Shh! Don't say it out loud!**_

_**Flippy: *takes out knife***_

_**Me: Aagh!**_

_**Flippy: What, you don't like my new bowie knife?**_

_**DB: Oh, did somebody say David Bowie?!**_

_**Me: Ahh, the apocalypse is over us!**_

_**Flippy: RUNNN! RUN FROM HIS SUPER DANGEROUS FALSE SINGING!**_

_**Later**_

_**Me: ...That was random of us. Anyway, please review. I know I'm random, so it pointless to ask what I'm on, because I don't know where or how to get them. Honest.**_


End file.
